Dealing with a Break Up or Divorce - How To Cope with the Pain
The loss or termination of something valued has always been a situation that causes pain and unhappiness and affects a person's life. Separation from a lover or spouse is difficult to cope with the pain. Breaking up with your lover is not just breaking up with a person; it’s breaking up with someone you share a part of your life with, who has an important place in your life and has become a habit in a way. The part that makes the separation difficult is the departure of the person used to his presence rather than love and the longing for him. No matter how difficult your love for him makes the situation, in some moments, in some cases, the thought of what you did together and the longing you feel for them is the thing that affects you the most.
Coping with the Pain of Separation
Separation, the ending of a relationship, causes many emotions and reactions during the grieving period. In this period, the processes of denial, anger, fear, sadness, bargaining go through, and at the end of all these comes acceptance and relief. However, this process does not proceed as quickly as written here, of course. First of all, good memories come to mind, and they never leave you. However, those good memories did not affect your decision to break up; remember that.
You can read our "5 Stages of Grief - How to Deal With It" article to get more information about the grief process.
Some Suggestions for Coping with the Pain of Separation and Getting Over the Separation Process Easier
- Do not run from your emotions. Continuing your life as if you have never been affected by the separation, never sad, and trying to deceive your environment and yourself in the first place will not work. Confronting your emotions, although painful at first, will help you in the long run. If you feel like crying, cry. This is your biggest right. Remember, the more you run from something, the bigger it gets.
- Give yourself time. You may feel as if what you think will never pass and will always be like this from now on. But it won't always be like that. It doesn't mean you'll forget everything you've been through; it just won't feel that way.
- You will have friends and relatives who want to be with you in this process. Allow them to support you. Do not be afraid to share your feelings and feelings with them. Even if you have a nature that wants to overcome your problems on your own, it will always be good for you to have someone by your side and share your experiences with someone.
- Get out of the routine of your daily life, do something new, try it. It's the right time for activities that you've always wanted to do, especially when you're in a relationship but can't do.
- Do not forget yourself, do not neglect. No one knows you better than you. You know best what will be good for you. It may be good to attend a course or to go to the gym. Whatever feels good, do it.
- Participate in activities that will benefit you both physically and mentally.
- Do not avoid socializing. Go to new places, make fun plans with your friends.
- One of the most common mistakes made after a breakup is to listen to the most painful music and watch the movies that make you cry the most. Instead of doing these things, listen to fun and satisfying music, watch funny movies that make you laugh. There's no point in complicating the situation any further.
- Future-oriented “I will never be able to love anyone again,” “I will not be able to trust anyone again.” Do not make such inferences. It's too early for these. Give yourself some time.
- During this period, you may not want to get out of bed even late to enjoy. But do not act according to this request. Go out, give a chance to the things that will do you good.
- “Why can't I be happy?”, “Why don't I feel like doing anything?” Do not ask yourself these questions. Unfortunately, this is a period that you will regret but that you can get through. Allow yourself to be unhappy for a while.
Dealing with the Pain of Separation
The issues that should be avoided and what should be done to cope with the deep sadness experienced after separation are also critical.
Here are some situations you should avoid:
- You may want to be alone after separation, and you may not want to keep anyone with you. However, avoid being alone for a while during this process. Do not push away your family and friends who wish to support you and try to be by your side. In this process, it will be good for you not to stay alone and think, but to spend time with people who care about you.
- Don't try to let someone into your life right away to show that you've overcome the breakup or because you're afraid of being alone. A new relationship will not be the solution to how your relationship ended.
- Do not try to find the reasons for the separation and take credit for yourself. Both sides affect this result. Also, finding the reasons will not change what happened.
- Do not try to use alcohol or drugs to avoid thinking about what happened or because of your mistaken belief that you will feel less pain. Remind yourself that these will make you feel better and add to the feeling of regret.
- Avoid reminders as much as possible, such as pictures, social media posts, gifts, places where you have memories together that remind you of your ex or the good old times you spent together.
- Don't set your path based on what your ex did. He may have started a new relationship or made other ventures. Remember, everyone's way and time of dealing with problems are different.
- Don't be revenge-oriented. This focus helps you get through the situation rather than make you feel good.
Reactions to all positive or negative events occur in different ways due to many other reasons, especially the personality traits of people. However, if you cannot overcome the pain of separation despite the passage of time and all you have done, and this situation causes negative consequences in many areas of your life, it is helpful to seek support from a professional expert.