Ways to Leave Your Lover Professionally and Politely
When leaving a person with whom you share many things and spend time, you should make a speech within the framework of courtesy and express yourself most accurately.
Although extremely unpleasant, sad, and often heartbreaking, separation is also part of a relationship. What Atilla İlhan said, "Separation is also included in love..." Precisely, for this reason, we should not withhold the same care from the other party at the stage of separation, as much as we care for everything to go on a beautiful and right path at the beginning of a relationship. Regardless of whether the relationship you want to end was short or long, or the level of sharing with the other person, you should try to act calmly and rationally. Because be sure, unnecessary heartbreak may remain as a question mark in your mind in the long run. So, how can you end your relationship without offending the other party as much as possible and by keeping your courtesy? Let's look at the tips you should consider, whatever the fate of your relationship.
How to Break Up with Your Lover?
First, it is worth mentioning: You should avoid the clichés you may encounter in the titles of excuses for breaking up with your lover or tactics of breaking up with your lover. Many of them are already out in the open. "You deserve the better." or "I want to focus on my studies for a while." Making excuses like this will probably never convince the person in front of you and make you feel worthless. Every relationship has its dynamics and a way of communication. You must take care to express yourself by keeping honesty and avoiding cliché excuses. Thus, you can ensure that the separation is a more painless and healthy process for both parties.
1. You Must Be Sure
Before you start brooding about ways to break up with your lover, how about questioning yourself one last time? Do you want to end the relationship? Before you say anything to your lover that you want to break up, you must be sure of your decision. Because the breakup speech you made will most likely hurt and upset the other side, even if you finally give up on your decision. In the first stage, you can review the reasons you want to leave and question if you wish to end this relationship. If you are determined, then you can start planning your speech.
2. You Have to Wait for Calming Down
Who starts up in anger sits down with a loss! We say that for nothing. There may be many reasons for wanting to leave, resentment, anger, and disappointment. However, while all these feelings are in a fight within themselves in your mind, the sentences you will form may be far from kind. Of course, when you end your relationship, you should try to express yourself in the best way and make sure that you say everything you want to say. However, it would not be suitable for anyone if the tone you used was harsh, hurtful, and unkind. You should give yourself a few days, maybe a few hours, to calm down and clear your mind.
3. You Must Choose the Right Moment
Let's face it; no one wants to be dumped on their birthday or graduation night! You have no intention of making the breakup talk coincide with such important days or nights. But sometimes, people can be too impatient to end relationships that they no longer want to be a part of. Think about it: Does your lover already have ongoing family or similar problems? Will she take a test or job interview in a few days? Making a parting speech before such processes can wear out the other party. Of course, no reason should ever be a valid excuse to stay with someone when you no longer love them. However, for short-term situations, you can delay your conversation for a while.
4. Try to Use "I" Language
One of the biggest mistakes made in relationships is to use the "YOU language" when talking about a problem or dissatisfaction from the other party. Let's explain with an example: You are hurt because you realize that your lover has not cared enough about you lately and is mostly busy with his own life and priorities. To your lover: "You are a selfish person, you don't care about me anymore, you are so focused on your own life that you neglect me!" you can say. These are sentences formed with the language of you. She also added, "I'm offended by you for thinking you're neglecting me these days. I feel bad for thinking you're not paying attention to our relationship." You can say too. These are the sentences formed with the I language.
No matter how well you know the other person in a relationship, you can never know for sure all the thoughts that go through their mind and the reasons behind some of their actions. All the sentences you make with your language consists of your judgments about what the other party is doing and why. Even if you are entirely right about the things you are angry and hurt about, it is helpful to express your problems with sentences formed with the language of “I.” Because in this way, you can get away from blaming or judging the other party, and you can tell how some of the things that he did consciously or unconsciously were met with you. This use of language, which is ideal in psychology and communication, is of great importance in maintaining mutual courtesy in parting speech.
5. Give the Other Party a Voice
Since you are the one who decided to leave, you will have the opportunity to list all the remaining sentences while explaining your reasons to the other party. Well, what about the person you're about to leave? They have a right to say something, too, don't they? Sometimes, the tension and panic inherent in a breakup talk can push you to run away from there as soon as possible. This time, the other person may remain with many question marks and unspoken words in his mind. Of course, you don't need to spread out a breakup speech for long hours or keep it up with unsolvable conversations. But after you have expressed your thoughts and decision, you should not neglect to give the other person the right to speak. Thus, you can minimize the possibility of communicating after separation, and you can resolve all the issues you need to talk about.
6. You Must Stick to Your Decision
If your lover disagrees with you that you need to end this relationship and doesn't expect the breakup at all, they may try to dissuade you. This is a perfectly natural and understandable response. They may ask you for a second chance, promise that some mistakes will not be repeated, they may be angry or very upset. As we mentioned in point 1, if you are sure of your decision, you should not let these reactions change your mind. Of course, the point is not to be cruel or keep the relationship free of second chances. But being the one making the parting speech has the disadvantage of causing the other party to be upset.
The other person is agitated or makes an unexpected effort to convince you are not enough reasons to give up on a separation decision because maintaining a relationship with a person you no longer love just so that they don't get upset can have more painful consequences for both of you. Moreover, it should be reminded that it is difficult for a relationship that continues in this way to survive in the long run. If you give up the decision to break up under these circumstances and decide to break up again after a while, your lover will naturally react in the same way. To prevent your relationship from turning into a snake story and allow both parties to recover quickly, you must stick to your decision.