What is Marriage Counseling? - How To Know If You Need It
What is Marriage Counseling?
Just as no one is born knowing how to be a good mother or father, no one comes into this world knowing how to be a good wife/husband and maintain a healthy relationship. All these are subjects learned through experience in the process. In some cases, couples may encounter problems in the marriage. They may have difficulty overcoming these problems, and in such cases, getting professional help from outside, like marriage counseling, becomes essential to the relationship. So what is marriage counseling?
Marriage counseling is a place where the problems in the relationship are revealed, where the spouses share what they feel and what they want, not telling each other's shortcomings. It is the environment in which they meet themselves and encounter different aspects of their spouses while revealing themselves. It's the way couples tell each other that they want to save their marriage just by going here.
As with everything, healthy marriages also go through proper communication. Marriage counseling primarily aims for the couple to understand both themselves and their spouse. It seeks to see how they react, look at problems, and why they approach them this way. First of all, it aims to teach spouses how to establish healthy communication with each other.
Knowing what marriage counseling and marriage counselor are is just as important as knowing what they are not. E.g., The marriage counselor is not the judge who decides who is right and who is wrong in the fights. In the counseling process, they do not listen to both parties' problems and give feedback on who is to blame. The marriage counselor is not the complainant, that is, the person to whom the spouses should apply to complain to each other. Another critical issue is that the marriage counselor never decides on behalf of the couple, regardless of the problem.
Why is Marriage Counseling Necessary?
Getting help from someone who can approach the relationship objectively will benefit the relationship. Seeing different perspectives is a situation that increases one's awareness of oneself and understanding other people. In some periods of marriage, problems may be encountered that are difficult to overcome and therefore constantly fight or never talk about. Marriage counseling aims to make the issues discussed continuously and find a solution. Sometimes, irreconcilable problems may occur. It is tried to ensure that they learn to accept the issues that cannot be found in any way in the sessions, as they are, and to continue in this way.
Another purpose of marriage therapy is to help spouses approach each other with empathy and gain motivation to overcome problems with patience. Understanding the other party and being aware of his conditions is sometimes enough to solve the issues. However, to do this, it is necessary to be aware of it.
Why Do We Need To Go Marriage Counseling?
- The inability of spouses to establish healthy communication with each other,
- The characteristics that the spouses ignored came to light when living together and now cause problems,
- Sexual problems,
- The desire to save the relationship that has gone through a difficult process,
- The spouses' willingness to get help to go through a healthy divorce process after they decide to separate
- Cheating issues,
- Psychological or physical violence between spouses,
- Problems that arise due to fear of attachment,
- Failure to establish a balance between work life and private life,
- Fights, the violence of which is increasing day by day,
- Issues involving children
- Failure of one or both spouses to take the necessary responsibilities,
- The adverse effects of families on marriage and the boundaries that cannot be drawn against them,
- Anger management problems experienced by the couple against each other,
- Loss of interest in each other,
It is usually decided to go to marriage counseling when there are very distressing situations and when the problems in the relationship become unbearable. One of the most important reasons that wear down relationships; Endless arguments between spouses. However, silence, which is ignored by the spouses and is as important as the arguments, and in some cases, has a much more significant and negative effect, is one of the situations that shake the marriage. The spouses become silent day by day. They begin to close in on themselves, and the decrease in communication between the spouses is an important warning for the couple to seek professional help. Because, no matter how tiring the discussions are, it is also the moment when people reveal themselves, their thoughts and feelings, and tell about themselves. On the other hand, silence is a movement that eliminates communication and puts a distance between them. This causes problems to deepen rather than solve.
Another critical issue about going to marriage counseling is that no rule says one should only go to marriage counseling during a period of serious problems. Although it is not very common in our country, couples may go to marriage therapy to take precautions against the issues they may encounter in the future or strengthen communication between them. Receiving this type of marriage counseling further strengthens the relationship.